LIFE: WHERE HAVE I BEEN & UPDATE
I wasn't planning to address the fact that I just vanished off the face of my blog for a while, in all honesty, I didn't really think people cared enough to warrant me even acknowledging it, but I've had a couple people asking where I have gone so I thought that I could use this as a fresh start. I wish I could say that I've been somewhere really exciting (though I finally went to Iceland last week, more on that that later), or that I've been working non-stop, but if I'm totally honest, I've been doing absolutely nothing. I've mentioned my struggles with mental health on here a couple of times before and though my biggest brain bully is anxiety, I also have little spouts of depression every now and again. How I suffer from depression has changed dramatically from when I was first diagnosed with it when I was 15, I used to cry all the time and not want to leave my house, which is what I kind of expected when I was told that I have depression, I didn't expect to have some days where I can't keep my mind focused on anything for longer than 5 minutes or having some days where all I want to do is online shop away my problems.It feels so strange to say that this blog, which I initially started to help my mental health, has actually been making it worse recently. I follow a lot of other blogs, some big, some small, some with a huge following and some with no following, but I always notice that these other bloggers seem to post such detailed posts so regularly - I don't do that. When you write a blog which you get no income from (unless you get a specific deadline to post something from a brand, which I've never had), you have to rely on your own motivation and inspiration to write, in my currently depressive rut I have 0 motivation and my concentration span has been bloody terrible. I've tried so hard to write posts that I end up getting myself so worked up, I think "why can't I just write a post? the other bloggers all seem to do it without trouble, so why can't i? maybe I shouldn't bother writing a blog anymore because I clearly can't do it?" it turns into an endless cycle of self doubt which is the most self destructive things I do. I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others and this is no exception, I can't help but scroll through Instagram and see other bloggers promoting their new post and just think to myself "why can't I be like that?" I end up thinking that there is no point in having a blog if I can't even write for it properly. I am hoping to see this back of this soon, I spent last week in Iceland by myself and I feel like that was the break that I really needed to help get myself back on track mentally and on my blog. I was able to clear my head a fair bit whilst doing something that I have always wanted to do, on my own.The trip itself was amazing, the country is full of the most surreal and and breathtaking landscapes I have ever seen and probably will ever see, the people are so kind and quirky, I could listen to their stories for hours on end. Going away by myself was something that didn't scare me as much as I thought it would do (apart from flying, that was TERRIFYING), but I wholeheartedly think that its been life changing for me in terms of my confidence and being more at peace with who I am. I was able to really push myself out of my comfort zone and give myself the time and space to clear my head - nothing in particular, I think sometimes you just need to reset yourself from your everyday routine. I'm going to write a separate post all about my time in Iceland and specifically what I got up to, but in short; it was amazing and I think it helped my mental well being more than I could have ever imagined.I feel a bit funny that I've just wrote a long-ass post about the fact that I can't write a post, but I really needed to get it out in the open how I have been feeling and I'm still in a state of amazement about Iceland and all I want to do right now is talk about it.Thanks for reading! I'll be back with normal tea related posts very soon!P.s look who came out to see me when I was in Iceland! TWICE!